I normally have Quiet Time Musings already composed, edited and published by now. Having needed to run a couple of errands, I just now got back, ready to get today’s QTMs on their way.
Instead I chose to replace them with something one of you sent. I believe it of sufficient impact that I’m putting today’s QTMs out for tomorrow. There is strong, irrefutable information here you need to read. And if you have older teens and younger adults in your life – which most of us do – you need to pass it along to them.
Understand. This is no attempt to sway the minds and opinions of anyone against their judgment or will. You’ll make up your own mind. In fact, you may have already done so. I hope you’ll receive the following from a professional who loves you and cares.
Thanking you in advance,
“I am a medical doctor with training in pediatrics and in the specialty of child, adolescent, and adult psychiatry. I am also the author of Unprotected and You’re Teaching My Child WHAT?
“I examine the social agendas that permeate my profession, and how they harm society, especially women. My focus is on sex education and reproductive health: sexually transmitted infections, high risk behaviors, contraception, fertility, and abortion. I also describe my profession’s flawed approach to gender and same-sex attraction, and its denial of the importance of faith to wellness.
“The institutionalized approach to these subjects is misinformed and outdated. As a result, young lives are endangered. That’s a serious accusation, to be sure, but I make it after years of practice, research, and careful deliberation.
“My mission is to expose this fiasco, hold those responsible for it accountable, and provide educational material that is based on hard science and common sense. If you are a young adult, parent, grandparent, teacher, health provider, psychotherapist, sex educator, women’s health advocate, gender activist, or policy maker, you want to hear what I have to say.
Article taken from Miriam Grossman MD February 11, 2015
There’s nothing gray about Fifty Shades of Grey. It’s all black.
“Let me explain.
“I help people who are broken inside. Unlike doctors who use x-rays or blood tests to determine why someone’s in pain, the wounds that interest me are hidden. I ask questions, and listen carefully to the answers. That’s how I discover why the person in front of me is “bleeding”.
“Years of careful listening have taught me a lot. One thing I’ve learned is that young people are utterly confused about love – finding it and keeping it. They make poor choices, and end up in lots of pain.
“I don’t want you to suffer like the people I see in my office, so I’m warning you about a new movie called Fifty Shades of Grey. Even if you don’t see the film, its toxic message is seeping into our culture, and could plant dangerous ideas in your head.
“Fifty Shades of Grey is being released for Valentine’s Day, so you’ll think it’s a romance, but don’t fall for it. The movie is actually about a sick, dangerous relationship filled with physical and emotional abuse. It seems glamorous, because the actors are gorgeous, have expensive cars and planes, and Beyonce is singing. You might conclude that Christian and Ana are cool, and that their relationship is acceptable.
“Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated! The people behind the movie just want your money; they have no concern whatsoever about you and your dreams.
“Abuse is not glamorous or cool. It is never OK, under any circumstances.
“This is what you need to know about Fifty Shades of Grey: as a child, Christian Grey was terribly neglected. He is confused about love because he never experienced the real thing. In his mind, love is tangled up with bad feelings like pain and embarrassment. Christian enjoys hurting women in bizarre ways. Anastasia is an immature girl who falls for Christian’s looks and wealth, and foolishly goes along with his desires.
“In the real world, this story would end badly, with Christian in jail, and Ana in a shelter – or morgue. Or Christian would continue beating Ana, and she’d stay and suffer. Either way, their lives would most definitely not be a fairy tale. Trust me on this one.
“As a doctor, I’m urging you: DON’T see Fifty Shades of Grey. Get informed, learn the facts, and explain to your friends why they shouldn’t see it either.
Here are a few of the dangerous ideas promoted by Fifty Shades of Grey:
- Girls want guys like Christian who order them around and get rough.
No! A psychologically healthy woman avoids pain. She wants to feel safe, respected and cared for by a man she can trust. She dreams about wedding gowns, not handcuffs.
- Guys want a girl like Anastasia who is meek and insecure.
Wrong. A psychologically healthy man wants a woman who can stand up for herself. If he is out of line, he wants her to set him straight.
- Anastasia exercises free choice when she consents to being hurt, so no one can judge her decision.
Flawed logic. Sure, Anastasia had free choice – and she chose poorly. A self-destructive decision is a bad decision.
- Anastasia makes choices about Christian in a thoughtful and detached manner.
Doubtful. Christian constantly supplies Anastasia with alcohol, impairing her judgment. Also, Anastasia becomes sexually active with Christian – her first experience ever – soon after meeting him. Neuroscience suggests their intimacy could jump start her feelings of attachment and trust, before she’s certain he deserved them. Sex is a powerful experience – particularly the first time. Finally, Christian manipulates Anastasia into signing an agreement prohibiting her from telling anyone that he is a long time abuser.
Alcohol, sex, manipulation – hardly the ingredients of a thoughtful, detached decision.
- Christian’s emotional problems are cured by Anastasia’s love.
Only in a movie. In the real world, Christian wouldn’t change to any significant degree. If Anastasia was fulfilled by helping emotionally disturbed people, she should have become a psychiatrist or social worker.
- It’s good to experiment with sexuality.
Maybe for adults in a healthy, long term, committed, monogomous relationship, AKA “marriage”. Otherwise, you’re at high risk for STDs, pregnancy, and sexual assault. It’s wise to be very careful who you allow to get close to you, physically and emotionally, because just one encounter can throw you off track and change your life forever.
“The bottom line: the ideas of Fifty Shades of Grey are dangerous, and can lead to confusion and poor decisions about love. There are vast differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships, but the movie blurs those differences, so you begin to wonder: what’s healthy in a relationship? What’s sick? There are so many shades of grey…I’m not sure.
“Listen, it’s your safety and future we’re talking about here. There’s no room for doubt: an intimate relationship that includes violence, consensual or not, is completely unacceptable.
“This is black and white. There are no shades of grey here. Not even one.”
~~ Miriam Grossman, MD.