Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:
~ Gain weight. Start with at least 30 pounds.
~ Stop exercising. Complete waste of time.
~ Read less. Makes me think.
~ Watch more TV. I’ve been missing some good stuff.
~ Procrastinate more. Start tomorrow.
~ Spend more time playing games on my many devices. It endears me to all around me.
~ Spend more time at work, surfing the web.
~ Take a vacation to someplace important, like to see the world’s largest ball of twine.
~ Don’t jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.
~ Stop bringing lunch from home–eat out more.
~ Don’t have eight children at once.
~ Get in a whole NEW rut!
~ Start being superstitious.
~ Don’t bring back disco. Encourage rap.
~ Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.
~ Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.
~ Spend my summer vacation in cyberspace.
~ Create loose ends.
~ Get more toys.
~ Get further in debt.
~ Don’t believe politicians.
~ Break at least one traffic law.
~ Don’t drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.
~ Don’t swim with piranhas or sharks.
~ Spread out priorities beyond the ability to keep track of them.
~ Wait for opportunity to knock.
~ Focus on the faults of others.
~ Mope about faults.
~ Waste even more time on FB posting junk no one cares to know.
~ Never make New Year’s resolutions again.
Well, there you go. Have fun adding to the list! Make up some of your own favorites so you can irritate your friends and coworkers by proudly announcing, “I have managed to complete every single resolution I made for 2015!”
Of course, if they know you very well, chances are they already know . . .