Leave the copier set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper, 99 copies.
Specify that your drive-through order is ‘to-go’.
If you have a prosthetic eye, tap on it occasionally while talking to others.
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Insist on leaving your windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up”.
Reply to everything somebody says with, “That’s what YOU think.”
Practice making FAX and modem noises.
Highlight irrelevant and random information on scientific papers and “cc” them to your boss.
Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink refill across the room.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Adjust the tint on the TV so all the people are green. Insist to others that you “like it that way”.
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
Honk and wave to strangers.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant and just eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
Borrow a large quantity of orange traffic cones and re-route entire streets.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: “Hey, do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin.
When nearly done with something everyone’s waiting for, announce, “No, wait, I messed it up” and start over.
As much as possible, skip instead of walk.
Ask people, “Have you seen myopia?”
While making a presentation, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet or cockatoo.
Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars and see if they slow down.
Sing along at the opera. This works best if you’ve never heard it before.
Go to a poetry reading and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psych profiles”.
Hope I brightened up your day a little!
Dan