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ELF PET PEEVES

Posted by on December 21, 2015

I know you’ve wondered what elves do the rest of the year during their down time.  Think about it.  Other than the occasional remake of The Wizard of Oz, there’s not much demand for tiny types.

As a writer, material for articles and posts is always popping up in the strangest places, although in some cases one must really look to see them.

Recently I accidentally happened across a couple of exhausted elves.  I moved a coffee spoon and there they were, having lunch and resting.

We struck up a conversation.  Among other subjects about some of the more unpleasant aspects of dealing with reindeer, they both said they’d never be short when I asked about some of their common complaints.  Here’s the low-down, in their own words.

~ Ever since they hit the big time, those Keebler Elves act like we don’t exist.

~ Santa keeps going, “Does this suit make me look fat?”  I mean, LouEEEEZE– he IS fat!

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~ Blitzen always mistaking you for a chew toy.

~ Now have to work through coffee breaks, thanks to the McCaughey septuplets.

~ Under “Race” on census forms, there’s never a box marked, “Elf”.

~ Health plan doesn’t cover sleigh rash.

~ Totally sick of Munchkin jokes.

~ As a matter of fact, yeah, we DO have leprechaun costumes.  Gotta have something to do in the off-season.  (I was a little unsettled when they looked at each other and snickered. . .  made me want to go home and look in my sock drawer.)

~ Elf punishment for coming up short in production:  barn detail.  Think about it.  Elves are little; reindeer are not.  Cleanup is no small thing.

~ Enough of those inane “Little People” jokes from comedians already!  There really are us little people out here, and you don’t wanna know what happens when we get ticked off.

I’m sure those two had more to say, but since Time is accelerated where they are, their lunch hour only lasted 7 minutes.  And they talked so fast I has hard-pressed to get recorded what I did.  I had to slow it way down just to get it all.  Even then I had to ask Elf Pro Mikey Atkinson to help me translate some of what they said.

So.  There you have it.  While you’re smiling and shaking your head, keep this in mind.  There really are a lot of unseen hands busy every year, creating, manufacturing and shipping all sorts of things across the globe for this holiday season.

They’re largely overlooked by the rest of us, often terribly underpaid and most assuredly underappreciated.  Their Christmas won’t be as pleasant as yours.  As you gather with your loved ones to celebrate this wondrous, miraculous time of year, keep in mind:  every one of those ‘little people’ are loved by the Christ of Christmas.

They’re not little in His eyes.  They rate just as much as you and I.

Remember them as you pray, laugh and love one another.

Oh, yeah.  Check your sock drawer.

© D. Dean Boone, December 2015

 

 

 

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