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MIRACLE TODDLER DIET! GUARANTEED RESULTS!!!

Posted by on December 31, 2013

Got your attention, didn’t I?  The all-time number one resolution has to be to LOSE WEIGHT.

Right?  And it’s usually the first item on the list to scream, “MAYDAY!”

What do you mean, ‘why’?  Think about it.  You’re grumpy because you’re not getting enough to eat, you’re not getting anything different or you’re totally fed up watching Marie go on and on about how to lose weight while going broke paying for this or that system that “Really Works!”

Coffee - Seasons - New Years1Well, friends, this new Toddler Miracle Diet was in this morning’s email.  Talk about timing. . .  Anyway, here’s the scoop.  Over the years you may have noticed that most two-year-olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. Of course, you may want to consult your doctor before starting.   Otherwise, you may be seeing him or her afterwards.

And, hey–it’s free!  What do you have to lose?  D’AH!  Forget I asked that.  

DAY ONE:

Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly.  Eat 2 bites of egg using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor.  Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.

Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk.  3 sips only, then spill the rest.

Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Sprite.

Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor.

DAY TWO:

Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it.  Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of food coloring.

Lunch: Half tube of “Pulsating Pink” lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor).       One ice cube, if desired.  For lipstick, you may substitute several bites of deoderant stick (any type).

Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt.  Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again.  Then bring inside and drop on rug.

Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with spoon.

DAY THREE:

Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair.
Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass.  After breakfast, pick up yesterday’s sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on the cushion of best chair.

Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Spit several bites onto the floor.
Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.

Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch.  Try to laugh hard enough you force some punch through your nose, if possible.

FINAL DAY:

Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bite of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar.  Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.

Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet.  Find that sucker and finish eating it.

Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate.  Stick of mascara for dessert.  Chew on ink refill from pen found under couch to clean teeth.

Enjoy!

___________

And there it is, friends – the MIRACLE TODDLER DIET, just in time for New Year’s Day!

Where, you ask?  MountainWings.com.  It’s a wonderful, creative place to find an assortment of things each day that will make you smile, think and ease into your schedule.  Consider it.

Denis Waitley says, “There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.”  As you observe the changing of years, give thought to the conditions in which you find yourself.  You can do nothing about those of others, no matter how you may wish otherwise.  But you can affect your own.

Do that.  It will encourage others to tackle theirs.

Maturity is when you stop making excuses and begin making changes.  Hey–wait…  put the deoderant back.  Can’t start the diet until tomorrow!  (Some people’s kids . . . .)

I love you and I believe in you,

Dan

 

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