HAVE YOURSELF A HEARTY LITTLE— NO, WAIT . . .
‘Mornin’, gang. Brisk morning spent sweeping & shoveling white stuff, ay? Yeah, me, too. Toss your boots & coat over there and get some warmth going while I pour you some Caribou Coffee Medium Roast.
TOP TEN PICKUP LINES USED BY ADAM
10. “You know you’re the only one for me!”
9. “Do you come here often?”
8. “Trust me, this was meant to be!”
7. “Look around, baby. All the other guys around here are animals!”
6. “I already feel like you’re a part of me!”
5. “Honey, you were made for me!”
4. “Why don’t you come over to my place and we can name some animals?”
3. “You’re the girl of my dreams!” (Gen. 2:21)
2. “I like a girl who doesn’t mind being ribbed!”
And the number one pick up line from Adam is:
“You’re the apple of my eye!” *
Yeah-yeah, I get it. The Genesis account indicates ‘fruit’, but apple just gets to the core of the thing. . .
We live in a world where everything has a price tag on it. All the virtues we grew up believing were solid and lasting seem to be displayed on a huge yard sale. Every decent, level, moral thing is up for auction—and anyone who dares dissent is immediately heaped with ugly namecalling. Often those you thought sided with you join in the mob hollering for your head.
I’m cheerfully defiant of all that. My father-in-law used to sum it up this way: “Time’s coming gonna separate the men from the boys.” That has the tincture of negativity to it, so let me say it this way.
Good deal! At least this way it’s not hard to tell who’s real and who’s wearing a mask. There may not be many of us, but we know where everybody stands.
Think of the last time you were the victim of a deflection shot. You know. When somebody does or says something uncalled for and gets called on the carpet for it—and smoothly DEFLECTS the issue or the blame for it TO YOU. Think about it. Do you know of anybody who enjoys getting thumbtacked in the forehead with something like that? Nah. Me, neither.
Ed. note: while acceptable English usage and grammar are wonderful goals, the only writers who run around behind their verbiage, sweeping up dangling participles and other grammatical atrocities are those writing technical tomes or working on professional theses. Chagrin at the low state of American English is understandable. However, to keep readership one must write in a common vernacular, the style of which will most readily and speedily connect with the reader and keep him and her coming back. Just sayin’.
Relax. God knows all about the Deflection Shot thing. Adam tried it on Him. I think that’s the first recorded instance of chutzpah.
“Yeah, well, you know, God, it was the fault of that woman YOU gave me . . .” In my mind I see the head of every animal in Eden swing around to focus on El Dummo, and the whole garden/park suddenly goes less-than-silent because every bug EVer created just inhaled at the same time: “u-u-u-u-U-U-U-Unh . . .” (Well, what do YOU think a bug suddenly sucking in air sounds like?) Negative wind, man. Only recorded time in history when there was a wind speed of minus 3.
Lion, to Adam: “Gotta hand it to ya, dude. You got your A game on and your groove goin’. Blaming GOD is your first move? Remind me never to play . . . no, wait. No games invented, yet.”
Giraffe, thoughtfully observing the inhaley bug choir: “This definitely sucks.”
It did, too. There was a collective Sigh all across the Universe when Adam made the world’s first Deflection Shot right in God’s face. Suddenly, horribly, it dawned on every part of the created order that day. In the lyric of Rusty Goodman, “You could sense it: something had died. But God said, “I love him—I won’t let him go.”
You know what happened next. And after that. And after that. Here’s the salient point: Adam started a trend that day of manly men wimping out and blaming their women for everything from stale Rice Krispies to unwashed laundry to poor crops to the price of waffle batter. “The Woman you gave me as a companion, she gave me fruit from the tree, and, yes, I ate it.” When God quizzed Eve, she picked right up on the Deflection Shot thing: “The serpent seduced me,” she said, “and I ate.”
OOOOookay. Everybody’s been blamed—even God Himself. Hm-mmph. Not my fault. Always-always-always somebody, anybody else but me.”
Gather in, now, ‘cause here’s the lesson . . .
Yes, Evil personified in the form of a con-snake or con-lizard visited the Garden that day and went first to the woman, tricking her into tricking her guy. Yes, Eve was the one who first came up with the idea of going ahead and doing exactly what God had told Adam not to do. EV-er. God didn’t tell it to Eve, because she hadn’t been invented yet. When God handed down the rules of the park to Adam he was all by his ownself. (And, no, Eden was not anywhere near Hayhirah, GA.)
Wait, though. Eve had ‘em down cold, because when Con-Snake purposefully misquoted God, she promptly rattled the correct version off, just as Adam had taught her. Yes, Eve knew better, but enticed her hubby to join her in tossing over their, ah, core values for a mighty seedy outcome. See what stems from doing what you’ve been told not to? Anyway, here’s the skinny.
God was aware of all the above: Sneaky-Snake was making trouble, Eve was first at fault, etc. etc. But when God came to the Garden/Park, whose name did He call?
You got it. All the way back from the Eden days, God’s intent has always been for The Guy—Manly Man his ownself—to be the spiritual mentor and guide for his home and family. And even though everyone has his or her own mind (do NOT go there, guys!), God will hold every husband and every dad accountable for the spiritual oversight and leadership lived and encouraged in his marriage, family and home. *Historical note: were it not for faithful wives and mothers, widows and grandmothers standing in the gap across millenia,many a child would have grown to adulthood never knowing about Jesus—and many a local church would have closed its doors. Adam sure wasn’t the last manly man to duck his spiritual responsibility to his wife, children and community. I’m not being intentionally rough or unkind, here, and this isn’t to whip anybody; for many a man has spent long years trying to be both Mom and Dad to his kids, too. I’m just stating facts. There are always exceptions, but truth does not change according to our ability or desire to stomach it.
Your challenge, gang, is to recognize this and evaluate where you are. Guys? The responsibility & privilege is undeniably, Biblically yours. If you’re aware of being a mighty poor model for your wife and kids, God’s all about fresh starts. If you’ve really been working at it, way to go—now double down and keep at it. The others are looking at you, watching your example. If your ‘Dad’ model wasn’t a sterling one and you don’t have great memories, God’s all about fresh starts. If you didn’t know your father and never had a dad – same thing holds true. Since this thing is first and foremost a personal relationship with God, let Him be Ultimate Dad to you, and look around you for a Godly, neat Somebody-Else’s-Dad who might just sort of fill that void. It’s not by mistake the larger Church is called ‘the family of God’.
I say again: God is all about fresh starts. I can’t think of a better day than Valentine’s Day to begin what could be for you Life’s Greatest Do-Over and the start of a Fantastic Love Story.
On this Valentine’s Day:
- Fall in love with a chef; it’ll spice up your life.
- Fall in love with a chauffer; you won’t take a back seat to anyone.
- With a phone company customer service rep; they’ll reach out and touch you, and you’ll always have a special connection. . .
- With a watchmaker; he’ll always have time for ya. . .
- With a pastry chef; he’ll give you all his dough . . .
- With a shoe salesman; he’ll lift up your sole . . .
- With an artist; he’ll give you that peaceful, easel feeling . . .
- and with a jogger—he’ll be there for ya when you’re run down.
I leave you with this difference between life and love. Life is just one dumb thing after another. Love is TWO dumb things after each other.
Archived from 2/13/2012